WHY do they do it?  Almost every item of clothing contains a label of some kind–and they are NOT kind to my sensitive skin.  Garment makers must lie awake at night inventing the most obnoxious ways to attach their blasted badges.

I can hear them.  “Let’s see now.  We can use stiff, scratchy material and cut it so the corners are really sharp.  Put a big, black one on that sheer, white blouse.   Oh, and we can use prickly, metallic thread for added irritation.  Also, you know that there are quite a few people allergic to silk, so let’s make labels out of those tiny scraps left over from silk clothing. That way, even if they avoid buying a silk garment they will still get the itch.  Of course,  when we must use a soft material, we can always sew the label directly into a major seam so that it is virtually unremovable without dismantling the garment.  And we know that most people will be far too impatient to do that carefully, so they will always end up with holes in that brand new piece of clothing!  That way, even if they are infuriated with us, they can’t bring the item back because it is mutilated and they did it themselves!!!  Ha!  We are so good at this!!”

Maybe I’ve finally gone off the deep end.  After 72 years of squirming under aggravating labels, to call this obsession a pet peeve would be like calling Noah’s flood a puddle.  Its now progressed past the point of blinding rage to a dogged determination on my part.  When the new garment is halfway out of the bag I’ve grabbed my scissors, razor blade, seam ripper, ice-pick, chainsaw- whatever it takes to get rid of those ____ tags.

I wont bother to try to list the other items with labels stuck, glued and taped to them.  I can’t even begin to estimate how many hundreds of purchases I’ve permanently messed up with alcohol, goo-gone, turpentine or such, just trying to remove the stuff.  And we wont even bring up the subject of packaging, except to say that I have been known to nearly slice my hand in half trying to retrieve some tiny item buried in plastic that is tough enough to repel a blow-torch.

Funny. As I’ve finally vented my rather intense aversion, an even more disturbing thought emerges thru the cloud of frustration.  How often am I guilty of slapping a label on another person, group or culture, and how much more painful, damaging and difficult to remove is that?  Hmmm.